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Why I Don’t Want My Daughters to Have High Self Esteem


Because sometimes those with “high self esteem” have low others-esteem.

Because if my girls grow up to think highly of themselves but are condescending toward others, it's the wrong kind of self-esteem.

Because a healthy self image should result in a good “others image.”

Because if my girls’ sense of self worth is based on being beautiful, smart or accomplished, and they are not gracious, forgiving, kind and compassionate–something is wrong with the way they truly view themselves or their lives.

Because I want my daughters’ identities to be rooted in the One who made them.

Because if they know how perfectly and unconditionally loved they are by God, they will have the highest self esteem imaginable. And they will be able to love others that way, too.

Because the paradox of the Cross is finding one’s truest self by hiding in God. By losing the old self to the grave. You cannot improve upon that which is dead. Cannot make-up, dress up, fix up, build up, or do-up a corpse.

One must rise again to someone new. Beautiful is the life that is born again.

Because it’s not about high or low self esteem; it’s about proper and healthy self esteem. Truly good self esteem. The kind of self esteem that puts others first.

Because the strongest bend low to support the weak, and the most powerful are meek.

Because when the creator of the stars and oceans assigns value to you, it changes the way you value others.

Because the originator of beauty says everyone is beautiful. And there is nothing as beautiful as laying down one’s life for another.

Because God esteemed me worth the value of His very lifeblood. He loved me to the grave and back. He loved me more.

Because my self worth cannot be based on how I see myself or how others see me. We have all tried to find self-worth that way, and failed.

It must be anchored steadfast to One Love. The way He sees me. Sees deep inside, and still loves.

“For by the grace given to me I ask every one of you not to think of yourself more highly than you should think, rather to think of yourself with sober judgment….” Romans 12:3

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.” Philippians 2:13

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” John 15:9

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less."—C.S. Lewis

If you’d like to read more on this topic, check out my book. I talk a lot about this there, even though it's a book for moms. It's also a book for everyone.


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